.
...
.
.
<- whoa!
no users online right now.
the brig
grundlewherein oddities are observed, created, and confusing.
#79 <- vinic did 12!awards! -> 
This morning.
22 seconds. ->
<- 7:25:31 am, monday, may 19th, 2008 pdteyeballed 331 times
<- mood!
It took me 15 minutes to fart in my new pair of pants.
you can e-mail Vinic at -> vinic at lardpirates which is dotted with a com -- or hop on contact page
#68 <- vinic did 12!awards! -> Why hello there.1 minutes, 19 seconds. ->
<- 10:40:26 am, monday, february 18th, 2008 psteyeballed 488 times
<- mood!
I didn't see you come in. Please, join me.
Do you appreciate my face?
You do. You do.
you can e-mail Vinic at -> vinic at lardpirates which is dotted with a com -- or hop on contact page
#31 <- vinic did 12!awards! -> Pokemangs has killed LP.com.1 minutes, 23 seconds. ->
<- 5:09:25 am, friday, may 11th, 2007 pdteyeballed 309 times since 02.14.08
<- mood!
Please stand by until we catch them all.
you can e-mail Vinic at -> vinic at lardpirates which is dotted with a com -- or hop on contact page
#21 <- vinic did 12!New LP.Com Progress/To-Do/Ideas1 hours, 25 minutes, 59 seconds. ->
<- 1:34:48 pm, wednesday, may 2nd, 2007 pdt(updated 5:38:13 am, wednesday, february 6th, 2008 pst)
eyeballed 462 times since 02.14.08
<- mood!
Everything below is now moot. That old shit sucked.
---
There is a lot of shit I have left to do. Why am I so damn lazy?
PROGRESS/TO-DO
{ LP.COM }
{ THE BRIG }
{ THE POOPDECK - EXPLOSION-INVINCIBLE POOPDECK-O}
{ THE THING THE WAGGONER }
IDEAS
So this is the Brig, for all your ridiculous internet whining needs.
I won't explain what it is here, because Carlin does a much better job.
But do let me know what you think by rawking out to this log. Any ideas, suggestions, or hated design flaws? Do you find shit confusing? Do you agree with me that the front page looks like shit that pigs wouldn't even wallow in? Better yet, do you have any ideas for how I can make that fucker look better?
Rawk out. Let me know. About The Brig, and everything else that's new and changing on LP.Com.
DIDDLE: The last paragraph sounds hell of dick-craving.
---
There is a lot of shit I have left to do. Why am I so damn lazy?
{ LP.COM }
- oh god the damn login issue
- calendar!
- track hits and crap
- custom shit for people flagged as shitcanned (X)
- CONSIDERATION: combining the brig and the waggoner? hmm... (and have all site sections run off the same file via symlink, making shit hell of easier to program)
- adding anchors to all blob types (labels, like on blogger, lj, blah blah blah)
- kill off net.lp.com, force everyone to use lp.com instead. maybe like redirects? who knows?
- automated backups of entire site, consolidated into a tarball
- redo the .htaccess files so the trailing / is not necessary -- also, allow for more variables
- the hell? the "your profile" link on the sidebar needs to always use "lardpirates.com" as the domain
- better password encryption (which may break logins again, who the hell knows)
- track IP addresses with usernames
- new signups are required to swab their reason why we should allow them to join -- tied to IP deal so people can't abuse it -- require captcha-type validation, as well
- community chuts and complete chut administrative overhaul (thanks, gonterman.)
- the haul
- lp.com subject -- subjects in general?
- profiles
- tally up of total time spent and display in profiles - currently works, but hell of slow. i need to optimize.
- profile diddling
- dude's custom color support
- timezone offset selection in profile editor -- the server's in california, and who the hell of us lives in pacific standard time? maid?
- color wheel when selecting colors
- fancy preview shit when selecting colors
- poopdeck / the thing logo selector
- pirate list
- who's online
- who's online popup
- login / logout
- logout broke. fix that.
- chut registration
- search support - half-done.
- new dude registration
- functionize latest shit on homepages
- wiki-type history archive (pseudo-working on swab png files)
- configure profile pages so that they won't display some shit if there's nothing defined for it (chuts will use this the most since they don't normally have an e-mail/homepage)
- make diddle time start when the diddle link is pressed -- javascript will have to be employed
- remove sidebar when it's not needed -- no need to pummel mysql
- general design optimizing, make this shit look less cluttered and confusing
- digg links or whateverthehell for logs, swabs, spanks, blah blah
- rawk code processing overhaul -- grab a free script that's used for bbcode, since it's basically the same exact damn thing
- add formatting rawkcode -- required for the thing overhaul
- add a note to the bottom of pages saying javascript is required. if you are using a browser that does not support javascript, get in a time machine, shag ass out off 1974, and come back to at least 1995, asshole
- random shittles on the bottom of every page! why? fuck you! that's why!
- what the hell, random shittles all over the place! because what the hell are you going to do about it? nothing! you bitch!
- shittle manager
- change how the pirate list looks. because it looks not quite like shit, and not quite like a serious fart
- stats page, from footer link
- shoutout to hosting provider
- only display insert/diddle messages if something fails. otherwise, redirect immediately.
- count hits on each blob
{ THE BRIG }
- most everything
- ability to hide a log from non-logged-in dudes
- swab link selector
- ability to change display order for logs
- add page support
- ability to change how shit is sorted -- right now, it's always most recently updated first (not original publish date)
- view single logs at a time, which will display all rawks by default. like blogger/lj, etc.
- the ability to flag a log for public rawking
- add public rawking itself. this will use form verification so bots don't spam the shit out of it.
- bombing, dammit
- have log creation and diddling link to the specific log
- if pirate attempt is actually a valid log number, redirect to /pirate/log#/
- if pirate not actual owner, redirect to /actual pirate/log#/
- when browsing a dude's logs, it uses the dude's color scheme
{ THE POOPDECK - EXPLOSION-INVINCIBLE POOPDECK-O}
- most everything
- determine the exact number of swabs that pre-dates explosivo
- increase current swabs by this number, fix any problems this causes on explosivo.
- import each old swab (replace blank swabs with some [MISSING] image or some shit), labeling them from a particular incarnation
- import each swab's info, author, date, etc. for macho
- import each swab's info, author, date, etc. for xXx
- import each swab's info, author, date, etc. for v1 -- easy swabs done, now for the rest
- import each old swab's rawks, and working out any user issues that arise on macho
- import each old swab's rawks, and working out any user issues that arise on xXx
- import each old swab's rawks, and working out any user issues that arise on v1
- putting in swab title and info before the swab is submitted, to save time.
- all forms of sweet new ideas rattar and i have been tossing about -- linked swabs, group swabs, (fully functioning) swab history, whatever else i can dig up from the logs from around 09/22-25/07
- random swabs
- sort by deck incarnation
- parse swab variable
- show award for deck incarnation, as well as swab's original number.
- sort links
- advanced sort & anchor search
- page links
- diddle swab info processor
- diddle rawks
- rawk out
- the ability to actually swab
- diddle swabs
- custom page links when viewing a single swab
- extra info when viewing a single swab
- hide the 6th rawk and onward, with a link to reveal them which states "jesus christ, they won't shut up. click here for more rawks"
- "xyber huge" icon in a swab's stead on listing pages only -- over 500 pixels in any direction
- form for changing dimensions
- move palette shit to the right sidebar
- awards! schfifty-fives, dug swabs, <2 min, longest time, stoned/drunk, pissed off cat rawks, snail award (3 hours), slut award (5 diddles), stone of shame (anchor), rock award (guitar in swab -- anchor), weird porn (anchor), never-finished (anchor), nondescript (no rawks or bombs -- anchor), freddie mercury (anchor), tag team, va-va-voom, rampage, swab comic, special occasion, a legend is born, that's racist, stupid fad, memorable comment, turning into a fish, stupid argument, explosive entrance, tribute, splatterhouse, etc. automatically display their 30x30 award
- list of awards and their explanations
- make logo awards link to a changer script
- a way to list all chains
- the thing logos
- digging
- anchors
{ THE THING THE WAGGONER }
- most everything
- linked spanks -- like for dynamite kingdom, for example
So this is the Brig, for all your ridiculous internet whining needs.
I won't explain what it is here, because Carlin does a much better job.
But do let me know what you think by rawking out to this log. Any ideas, suggestions, or hated design flaws? Do you find shit confusing? Do you agree with me that the front page looks like shit that pigs wouldn't even wallow in? Better yet, do you have any ideas for how I can make that fucker look better?
Rawk out. Let me know. About The Brig, and everything else that's new and changing on LP.Com.
DIDDLE: The last paragraph sounds hell of dick-craving.
you can e-mail Vinic at -> vinic at lardpirates which is dotted with a com -- or hop on contact page
- Aquas <- 9:18:04 pm, wednesday, may 2nd, 2007 pdt
The "RAWK!" button is awfully wide, the design actually takes some getting used to, somewhat. But I actually like it, it serves its purpose fair enough.
- Vinic <- 6:17:35 pm, sunday, may 6th, 2007 pdt
I'm testing some redirect shit with this.
DIDDLE: Excellent.
DIDDLE: Excellent.
- RedCappy <- 12:22:50 am, tuesday, may 8th, 2007 pdt
I'd like to see a counter in our profiles saying how long we swabbed, spanked and blogged for, and then another counter under them all which combines all of the times together.
- Vinic <- 10:28:01 am, tuesday, may 8th, 2007 pdt
I've done that, Syd, but it causes the profiles to load slowly. I need to figure out a way to optimize it.
- Vinic <- 9:26:48 am, friday, july 27th, 2007 pdt
I'm going to stop being lazy and work on this shit soon, I promise. I plan on finishing up lp.com and the brig before tackling the deck and The Thing.
The Thing will take a lot. Of fucking. Work.
The Poopdeck will be fun, though.
The Thing will take a lot. Of fucking. Work.
The Poopdeck will be fun, though.
- Spoony Spoonicus <- 8:20:21 pm, sunday, december 2nd, 2007 pst
The ability to move a post to a chut log seems to have broken. Now I'm stuck with a Viewtiful Gonterman entry on my own log and can't move it to Davey-Kins'. Can you fix this somehow?
- FUN FACT <- 5:16:08 am, wednesday, february 6th, 2008 pst
None of this shit matters anymore!
#8 <- vinic did 12!awards! -> What should I put in this anus?23 seconds. ->
<- 12:25:10 pm, monday, april 30th, 2007 pdt(updated 9:58:20 am, tuesday, may 1st, 2007 pdt)
eyeballed 306 times since 02.14.08
<- mood!
Does anyone have ideas about what should go in this anus?
Because something needs to go in this anus.
I am serious.
Because something needs to go in this anus.
I am serious.
you can e-mail Vinic at -> vinic at lardpirates which is dotted with a com -- or hop on contact page
- Dudley <- 4:19:38 pm, tuesday, may 1st, 2007 pdt
George Washington receiving his highschool diploma from shaquille o'neal
- Aquas <- 2:20:09 pm, wednesday, may 2nd, 2007 pdt
A couple dudes drinking champagne and giving cheers to each other.
- Pagan Japanese Food God <- 3:27:11 am, thursday, may 3rd, 2007 pdt
CHAMPAGNE? NO! TRY THE SAKE! CHASE WITH TEA! TASTY!
lard pirates dawt com copyright © 2002-2008 lardpirates.com and vinic j. beverage & chainsaw dudley mckraken, also known as shawn baker & brad cruz: all rights reserved
all content copyright their respective authors/artists.
no portion of any content residing on lardpirates.com may be reprinted in any form without prior written consent -- this is serious business, the internet.
best viewed at a resolution at least 900 pixels wide, in any browser other than internet explorer for the love of god. try firefox! opera, even!
this website is much more badass with javascript enabled. if you cannot use javascript, then you need to hop in the delorian and get the hell out of 1995.
hosting provided by dreamhost. they are good people. i know, mysql is a bit slow, but whatever this ain't youtubespacebook, so get over it.
if you wish to bitch and moan at us, do so from our contact page.
all content copyright their respective authors/artists.
no portion of any content residing on lardpirates.com may be reprinted in any form without prior written consent -- this is serious business, the internet.
best viewed at a resolution at least 900 pixels wide, in any browser other than internet explorer for the love of god. try firefox! opera, even!
this website is much more badass with javascript enabled. if you cannot use javascript, then you need to hop in the delorian and get the hell out of 1995.
hosting provided by dreamhost. they are good people. i know, mysql is a bit slow, but whatever this ain't youtubespacebook, so get over it.
if you wish to bitch and moan at us, do so from our contact page.
a cherry
downpour
downpour