Yes! Using my special voodoo/giant-eyed-fez/plaid beard* powers, I will read you your fortune for the low-low price of 1 dollar! Along with the fortune, I will even provide a picture of me doing so, as proof that I am not a fatass at a PC in Jersey typing with one hand while the other scratches assorted body parts with eyes bouncing back and forth between a 12-inch screen and two small children of unknown origin investigating a wall socket.

Other fortune tellers will provide readings only after you call them up on the phone, forking over 4 bucks a minute as you listen to half an hour of ads for porn sites and tarot card bullshit. But not me! Am I a madman? Am I insane? Yes! Probably! But it will still be one hell of an awesome good time!

Just read these completely legit testimonials from actual, live human beings!

- Doc Brown
I just came back from the future, and Great Scott, you were right!

- Shredder
What do you mean I'll never get those blasted turtles! And what do I have to do with this "Fresh Prince"?

- Master Shake
I will tell you right now that I already know this. I am already the best dude in the world, this is not magic. Anyone can know this.

- Barry Zuckercorn
How did you know that's what type of club it was? Whew. You should be the lawyer.

- Duck Hunt Duck
Oh God. I'm going to die?

WOW! Is this too good to be true? You'll have to pay me one dollar before I'll read that fortune!

So remember, for your single American dollar I will provide you with one (1) fortune and one (1) picture of me reading it!

Order yours today!

*For those of you with an IQ below your body weight: it is not real voodoo. Also, I cannot really grow a beard, much less locate plaid hair dye. But the fez is real. It's pretty damn sweet.

I'm pretty much going to come up with something I find funny, e-mail it to you, and paste it on the site. I assume if you order one of these pieces of shit, you're cool with this.